I Quit

She had just received her General so she got right on the air,
CQ'd and made a contact without a bit of care.
The QSO was a good one with signals loud and clear,
not a bit of QRM or QRN to interfere.
Now you’d think she’d be delighted with a contact such as this.
The report she was given would have filled any other ham with bliss.
But she stomped out of the ham shack and announced that she was through.
That man said I was 40 over, but I’m only 32!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two elderly hams had been friends for many decades.

Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities
and adventures on the ham bands. Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the
other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know
we've been friends for a long time.....but I just
can't think of your name and your call.! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember them.
Please tell me what they are."
His friend glared at him. For at least three minutes he just stared and glared at the gray haired old man..
Finally he said,
"How soon do you need to know?"

-----------------------------------------

An elderly ham and his XYL were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old ham back to shore with the promise
that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read:

"Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean.
We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her posterior was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise"
The old man faxed back:
"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An old, old ham was lying in his death bed upstairs.
His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies.
As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies.
He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs.
Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table.
He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies.
Suddenly, his XYL slapped his hand sharply and yelled,
"DON'T TOUCH THOSE-they're for the funeral!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How do you greet a ham radio operator?

A. With a short wave.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

REWARD OFFERED

A reward of 500 microfarads is offered for information
leading to the arrest of this desperate criminal - Hop-A-Long Capacity

This unrectified criminal escaped from a western primary
cell where he had been clamped in ions awaiting the gauss chamber.

He was charged with the induction of an 18 turn coil named
Millihenry who was found choked and robbed of valuable joules

He is armed with a carbon rod and is a potential killer. If
encountered, he may offer series of resistance.

Capacity is also charged with driving dc motor over a
Wheatstone bridge and refusing to let the band-pass

The electromotive force spent the night searching for him in
a magnetic field, where he had gone to earth. They had no success and believed he had returned ohm via a short circuit

He was last seen riding a kilocycle with his friend eddy
current who was playing a harmonic.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Some Q signals have never made it to the ARRL's official list.
Here are some that may agree would be useful in appropriate situations. As with regular Q signals,
each can be a statement or a question, depending on whether a question mark follows it.

QAS - I am speaking out of my ass
QAS? - Are you speaking out of your ass?
QBA - My antenna is BIG!
QBA? - How big is your antenna?
QBO - Don't sit next to that guy in the meeting.
QBO? - Buddy, can you spare some soap?
QBS - It's getting deep in here.
QBS? - Did I tell you about the one that got away?
Alternate suggested by ken cubilo W8OB
QBS - Clean the bird sh*t off your antenna so you can hear me
QBS? - Should I clean the bird sh*t off my antenna so I can hear you
QCP - I am using Cat Power(From Rotary Cat Power Wheel)
Suggestions made for spark gap transmitter on QRP-L mailing list
QCP? - Are you using Cat Power?
QCW - I am going to whistle Morse Code on FM (or SSB)
QCW? - Why are you whistling Morse?
QDR - Damn Right the frequency is busy!} In response to QRL
QDR? - Do you have a Receiver?} In respone to QRL
Contributed by Don Melcher = W6ZO
QET - Phone home.
QET? - Has anyone called me from another planet?
QEW - Copy is difficult due to Ear Wax.
QEW? - Is copy difficult due to Ear Wax?
Contributed by John L Sielke W2AGN
QFF? - HOW HI IS YOUR FRONT FEET ON YOUR RADIO?
QFF 2 - MY FRONT FEET ARE 2
Contributed by TOM CARROLL, W9CSX
QFH - This frequency is MINE! - go elsewhere.
QFH? - Is this frequency hogged?
QHI - I am jumping in quick to say hi, then going QRT.
QHI? - Are you leaving after only one transmission?
QKB? - How many knobs does your radio have?
QKB n - My radio has "n" knobs.
Contributed by Fred K6DGW
QKN? - How many of them do you know how to use?
QKN n - I think I know how to use "n" of them.
Contributed by Fred K6DGW
QLF - I am sending with my left foot.
QLF? - Are you sending with your left foot?
QLK - I am sending with my left foot and keyboard.
QLK? - Are you sending with your left foot and keyboard?
Contributed by Thom LaCosta K3HRN
QNO - I am sending through a non-standard orifice.
QNO? - Are you sending through a non-standard orifice?
Contributed by Thom LaCosta K3HRN
QOF Yes, I am an Old Fart.
QOF? Are you an old Fart?
Contributed by Jim W7RY
QOK - Your last transmission was Okie Dokie.
QOK? - Was my last transmission OK?
QPM - Your signal is purr modulated.
QPM? - Is my signal purr modulated?
QRC - Warning, rag chewer on frequency.
QRC? - Are you a rag chewer?
QRG - You are transmitting in or near the ... (wave length or frequency) amateur band.
QRG? - Am I transmitting in or near an amateur band, and if so which one?
QRW - Means Qrp - Really Weak
QRW? - Qrp, you are Really Weak?
contributed by W0RW
QWC? - Who cares? } Courtesy of
QWC - I don't care } Fred Bonavita, K5QLF
QWC - I have to go to the bathroom } Courtesy of
QWC? - Do you have to go to the bathroom? } Fred Bonavita, K5QLF
QZZ - I fell asleep at the mike
QZZ? - Is that a 60Hz hum, or are you snoring?